To Snip, or Not to Snip: Vasectomy Straight Talk

"You can train a monkey to do a vasectomy"

2005-10-18T21:10:00.000-04:00

My favorite quote--spoken by a doctor, no less--from a funny and well written piece by Buzz McClain in The Washington Post, "Snip and Tuck".

More (note that he had anesthesia and was knocked out for the surgery):

And what the . . . ? Who put me in a thong? I didn't have a thong when I came in here. Who's responsible for this?

Actually, it was an athletic supporter, and there was a leak-proof bag of ice on top of it. I lifted everything up a bit and saw my privates had been packed in cotton, like a bottle of wine ready for shipping.

Barter? Not a good idea.

2005-07-31T23:04:00.000-04:00

Saw this on Craigslist:

Computer repair services for vasectomy
Date: 2005-07-28, 11:58PM PDT

Would like to trade personal computer hardware and software repair, upgrade, restore, and rebuild services for vasectomy procedure.

Once your computer is repaired I can make you a bootable CD or DVD to restore your system back to the day it was fixed.

Thanks for looking.

Have a great day.

Any doc who would barter surgery is not someone I would hire. I sincerely hope this was a joke.

This about sums it up

2005-07-12T06:38:00.000-04:00

A concise description of the vasectomy procedure from "Brian", as quoted by his wife (hey guys, anything you say can and will be used in your wife's blog--in case you didn't already know).

You go in and they blah, blah, blah, they make a small incision, and then remove, burn, and clip the blah, blah, blah, and after 15 minutes you’re done.

Brian's wife goes on to describe the post-vasectomy obligation to flush out the pipes, so to speak, to clear any hangers-on out of the spermway. At In Mother Words.

The perfect Father's Day gift!

2005-06-11T23:50:00.000-04:00

What does every father need? More kids! Or, no more kids! If the "more kids" answer raised your blood pressure momentarily, then you might want to ask your wife for a very special Father's Day gift: a ride to the vasectomy clinic.

She'll jump at the chance. It's an easy gift, it probably won't cost her anything (assuming you have insurance or a decent public health program), and it gives her something in return for allowing you to lay on your ass and doing nothing for a couple of days days, which you probably would have done anyway citing Father's Day privileges.

I can't take credit for the idea, though. Baseball guy Mike Veeck had the absolutely brilliant idea for a vasectomy giveaway at the Father's Day ballgame, but the local prudes "got snippy" and forced him to cancel.

Go ahead, ask her. What would you rather get? A box of condoms? A new tie? A radio-controlled flying bottle opener? Wait a minute, that might be pretty cool. But there's no way it exists. So go for the freedom.

Vasectomy poetry and lyrics

2005-05-16T21:32:00.000-04:00

To some it's a sore subject, but to others it's inspiration. And to a few it's both sore and inspiring.

We'll start with a haiku by Carlos Alden (he's got a whole page of them).

Films, television
La-Z-Boy and frozen peas
A bizarre three days

Here's a "snippet" of a poem by Mary Brooks:

Snip and solder,
cauterize.
Appointment at 2:30.
Tomorrow.
And I say,
step up to the plate,
and bring me home big shooter.

Here's a slice of a song lyric by Thom Parrott:

There's just one thing I don't understand.
You say you haven't been with any other man,
But I had the tube cut from that gland,
So, honey, there ain't no way.

And another by Guns 'n Roses, believe it or not: "Get Into the Ring"

And when you're talkin' about a vasectomy
Yeah
I'll be writin' down your obituary
History

Finally, here are some songs you can listen to instead of just reading the lyrics:

Ghosthouse - Vasectomy
Bernard Wrigley - Vasectomy
John Williamson - The Vasectomy Song (sounds like a Monty Python song!)

Next week: vasectomy-inspired embroidery

Roundup: Blogging about getting snipped

2005-04-22T23:10:00.000-04:00

Came across some entertaining blog posts.

After the fact:
Ad Nauseum
Hello Brains!

Considering a vasectomy:
End of the Line
Joshua's Journal

Reaching for a celebrity

2005-03-19T09:18:00.000-05:00

Here's a start for my quest to find celebrity vasectomies. At least he's a celebrity in Brazil.

Brazil's 1994 World Cup hero, Romario, 39, has become a father for the sixth time, though he could have further children after freezing sperm before a vasectomy.

By the way, freezing makes a lot of sense when you consider the cost--not covered by insurance--of vasectomy reversal along with the uncertainty of its success.

A clue that you're ready for a vasectomy

2005-03-19T09:09:00.000-05:00

If your dream night out sounds like this:

After dinner we still had 2 hours until we had to relieve the babysitter so we walked around Borders. Alone. In Peace. And Quiet. I can’t explain how absolutely heavenly it was.

...then you're ready! From 32 Entropy Lane.

Vasectomy article in Health Quarterly

2005-03-15T12:52:00.000-05:00

If you want an overview of what a vasectomy is and what are the issues couples face when making the decision, take a look at this article I wrote for Health Quarterly. Among other things, you'll learn about one advantage four-legged animals have over us (just the males).

The insurance info is specific to Massachusetts and Vermont, so you'll want to check on your own insurance and your state health department for coverage information.

Vasectomy justification #7: Avoid paternity gossip and/or lawsuits

2005-03-05T06:49:00.000-05:00

If you don't want people talking about you every time some girl you knew in high school has a baby (like this guy), you not only need a vasectomy, you also need some paperwork to back up your claim. The report from the lab saying "zero sperm count" should go in a safe deposit box.

This is particularly important if you are a celebrity like Ozzy Osbourne, making you a magnet for paternity suits.

Best Urologist Name: Dr. Richard Chopp

2005-03-04T21:56:00.000-05:00

I thought this had to be a joke, but Dick Chopp really is a board certified urologist--you can look him up.

By the way, looking up your doctor on your state's licensing database is a must. Before you let anyone near your valuables with a sharp object, you want to know if there's any malpractice in his history.

Essential item: comfy jockstrap

2005-03-02T22:14:00.000-05:00

I strongly recommend going out and buying a couple of brand new jockstraps before your surgery. I know, you probably think you can get by with tight briefs or a speedo or some homemade contraption made from twine and duct tape, but you don't want to skimp like this guy did. The jockstrap will be your best friend for a solid week, so you'll want to have one to wear while the other is in the laundry.

Getting advice

2005-02-27T07:47:00.000-05:00

Before you decide to get your conduit of fertility surgically severed, you probably want to get some advice. However, it's not the kind of thing that comes up freely in conversation. "Hey, Dave, great game last night. Did you see that interception in the fourth quarter? By the way, I have a few questions about your balls..."

Maybe ten percent of guys I know would bring something up like that in a conversation, but most of us aren't all that comfortable talking about sex-related things in any personal sense. Sure, we'll say "I'd do Hilary Swank over J-Lo any day of the week," but when it comes to real life we get a lot less comfortable.

Of course you could talk to your wife about it, but she's a little biased on this issue, don't you think?

There are some online forums where you can post questions or just lurk. Here are a few. I'll add more as I come across them.

Celebrity snips

2005-02-19T13:57:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to put together a list of celebrities who have had a vasectomy. Unfortunately they're not very forthcoming about it unless it can aid their defense in a paternity case, which is how we know about Ozzy Osbourne. We hear about every boob and botox job, why not vasectomies? I wonder if my library keeps back issues of National Enquirer.

Introducing Vasectomy Straight Talk

2005-02-19T08:45:00.000-05:00

So, the Question finally came up. THe one you never thought you'd consider, but here you are, wondering if maybe, just maybe, she's right. Or is she trying to push you into something you're not ready for? It's so hard to tell, isn't it?

Your "team" down there has been good to you. Sure they got you into trouble sometimes, but on the whole they've been a major plus in your life's scorecard. So it just doesn't seem right to disconnect them from their single, ultimate purpose: impregnating females. Why punish your boys for excelling at what they do?

But then there's the reality that stares youdown every day. The 3 AM feedings (you didn't think she'd breastfeed forever and let you sleep, did you?) The three P's: pee, poop and puke. Sanity slipping away. Your once-incredible sex life slipping away too.

That is what i tall comes down to. You want your sanity AND you want great sex. But the great sex is what got you into this mess! So you use contraceptive devices that just seem to get in the way. At this time in your life opportunities for spontaneous, gratuitous sex with your one-and-only are increasingly rare, so you're less willing to put up with the reduced quality of sex brought on by condoms and whatnot.

And here you are. Maybe she'll get fixed, maybe you will, maybe neither one of you will, but in order to arrive at a decision you can both be happy with, you need to know the score. There's a lot of hype out there, and it's hard to separate the facts from the anti-vasectomy fervor on one side and the possibly biased advice on the other.

My goal is to show the full spectrum of facts, opinions and experiences associated with vasectomy and give you a straight opinion. I'm not a doctor and therefore not qualified to give medical advice, but that also means I don't make a living performing vasectomies so I have no incentive to play down the risks. On the other hand, I have no philosophical or experience-based opposition to vasectomy.

I'm just a guy who's been through it, who wants to help people get the facts straight.

I plan to include Google ads on this site. Be advised that these ads are selected by Google's algorithm and not by me. You may find useful info at those links, or not.