"You can train a monkey to do a vasectomy"
My favorite quote--spoken by a doctor, no less--from a funny and well written piece by Buzz McClain in The Washington Post, "Snip and Tuck".
More (note that he had anesthesia and was knocked out for the surgery):
And what the . . . ? Who put me in a thong? I didn't have a thong when I came in here. Who's responsible for this?
Actually, it was an athletic supporter, and there was a leak-proof bag of ice on top of it. I lifted everything up a bit and saw my privates had been packed in cotton, like a bottle of wine ready for shipping.