The perfect Father's Day gift!

What does every father need? More kids! Or, no more kids! If the "more kids" answer raised your blood pressure momentarily, then you might want to ask your wife for a very special Father's Day gift: a ride to the vasectomy clinic.

She'll jump at the chance. It's an easy gift, it probably won't cost her anything (assuming you have insurance or a decent public health program), and it gives her something in return for allowing you to lay on your ass and doing nothing for a couple of days days, which you probably would have done anyway citing Father's Day privileges.

I can't take credit for the idea, though. Baseball guy Mike Veeck had the absolutely brilliant idea for a vasectomy giveaway at the Father's Day ballgame, but the local prudes "got snippy" and forced him to cancel.

Go ahead, ask her. What would you rather get? A box of condoms? A new tie? A radio-controlled flying bottle opener? Wait a minute, that might be pretty cool. But there's no way it exists. So go for the freedom.