Vasectomy justification #7: Avoid paternity gossip and/or lawsuits

If you don't want people talking about you every time some girl you knew in high school has a baby (like this guy), you not only need a vasectomy, you also need some paperwork to back up your claim. The report from the lab saying "zero sperm count" should go in a safe deposit box.

This is particularly important if you are a celebrity like Ozzy Osbourne, making you a magnet for paternity suits.